Review: Horrors of War (2006)

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I rented this one.  Actually, I'm 100% sure what I was thinking - Nazis + Zombies?  What could go wrong with THAT combination?  Turns out...plenty.
First, it's not really zombies.  More like vampires.  But not really.  I honestly couldn't tell you exactly what these creatures that the Nazis are creating behind enemy lines are supposed to be, really.  And unfortunately, I really couldn't care less.
I suppose there's a certain level of quality you should expect from the people responsible for...well, nothing that anyone has ever heard of.  And I will admit that the first half or so of the movie has a certain B-movie charm around it.  However, by the time the movie is over, you're thankful that the credits start to roll.
The basic gist, as near as I could follow, is that a group of soldiers find themselves behind enemy lines, and uncover a secret Nazi experiment that's creating vampire-zombies out of dead Nazi soldiers.  The group is pretty much eliminated by this new threat, but one person survives to make it back to the front.  Of course, the US Army can't sit back and let the Krauts create some kind of super-soldier, so they send a new team in to find the scientist responsible and (if possible) convince him to betray his Nazi overlords and bring his secrets ot the US of A.
Sounds good, huh?  Well, imagine sitting down to watch Aliens, only instead of seeing all the creepy-crawly face-huggers, they're dragging along stuffed animals from Valve's Half-Life 2 store.  And when the Big Bad Bitch comes out to face down Ripley in the cargo can see the rubber gleaming and count the number of stitches in the head.
Yep, folks - this is one of the worst effects movies I've seen since the 80s.  By the end, it's just a bunch of guys in crappy masks trying to pretend to hit each other.  If it were a parody, it would be up there with Date Movie and Epic Movie (well, if you consider that "up").  But it's not - it's played seriously.  And it stinks.
Still, not the absolute worst movie I've ever seen (Haunted Highway again), but it's pretty bad and not even worth a slot on your Blockbuster or Netflix queue.